Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
