my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
