I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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