She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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