At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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