the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
