this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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