guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
