Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize