party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
