I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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