Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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