I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
