So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
