You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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