somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
