That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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