Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize