i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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