I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
