My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
