yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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