we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize