I wanna bring you to show and tell
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
