considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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