it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
