Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
