Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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