Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
