I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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