oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
