Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
