the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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