saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
