I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
