is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
