Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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