We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
