I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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