We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
