omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
His hands were made for my vagina.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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