i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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