If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
