I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We had to coat check the pizza.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
