They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
