I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he fucked my hip out of place.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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