You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
a search helicopter?!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
