Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
