do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
