Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
