The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
