yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
