someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
