i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
