I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
