I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
