Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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