My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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