Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
