it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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