The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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