Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize