The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
