I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
