dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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