for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
