I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
