Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
