Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
