Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
