I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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