You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
